Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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