I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
