i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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