he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I came so hard my ears popped.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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