Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
