she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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