the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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