This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
