If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
