Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
