I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hippo gnu deer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
