i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
