yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
