i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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