i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize