Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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