I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
