well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
