We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
