ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
