if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
