we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there is puke in my bra ... again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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