I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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