I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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