it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
even my farts smell like vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
