what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
