maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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