Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
