Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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