I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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