Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
