he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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