tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
