He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
