I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
