Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
