he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
