When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
