I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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