im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
