You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
