if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
