Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
