even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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