Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
