Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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