Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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