just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
