Midget sex pt 2 tonight
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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