Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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