I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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