I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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