I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
