Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
