why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
