He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
