apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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