Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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