I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
