There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
