the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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