I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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