weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
