is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
