there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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