she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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