i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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