what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
