So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
