BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
