i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
