U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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